Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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