worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
