You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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