the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
