Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
