tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
