your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
