I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
