You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i dont even know how to be here
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
