We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
