I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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