This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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