i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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