we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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