if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
