there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
