The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
