i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
