no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
