textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
