If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
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I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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