i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
