I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
