hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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