Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Pooping to opera.
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