You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
