Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My vagina is officially offended.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
