He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
