the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
