I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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