woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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