Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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