I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
