woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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