At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
ok first of all what the fuck
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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