just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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