I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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