So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
