rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
