She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize