you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
