I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
