their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Randomize
