Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
