i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
