Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
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