I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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