maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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