Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
