just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
