FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
