every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...