he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again