At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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