thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you