Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.