Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.