Duck Duck Cougar?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.