The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that