Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying