Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.