i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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