rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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