We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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