the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
