is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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