it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
