I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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