i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
