Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize