remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
