dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
