i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you had me at cake vodka
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
