Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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