My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dignity is for republicans.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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