he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
