I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
