she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
