....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
