I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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