Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
