clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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