I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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