I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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