dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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