he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
